Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Cyclone of Chaos F5


Homer's Iliad references the dog days of summer in association with astronomical events. The rising of this star was associated with war and disaster.

So, a month historically associated with crazy animals, the wobbling of earth, rising stars, and disasters is naturally a spank-filled month in our marriage.

We're in the thick of the never ending back to school to-dos: shopping lists, dental appointments, physicals. Friends and family hosting end of summer soirées. I feel this unspoken societal expectation that mothers of young children are responsible for the needs of everyone in their extended families. Dominic is incredibly helpful, I am not here to whine.  We're still figuring out which areas each of us should manage. The mental workload of managing the house and kids defaulted to me as I just dove into those things. It seemed like my role. I gladly wrangle it all, but it's not sustainable. Be it wicked hormones, hard moments with kids, extended family requests or busy times at work, it's easy for me to lose all sanity.  Dominic will always help, but he doesn't see all the small ways I let my own self-care slip until I'm an emotional wreck. I know we're in the thick of a hard and fun season. I know its a fleeting season and we'll mostly remember the highlights.

That said, it makes for tricky ttwd. This past weekend was a bit too much busy for us. We know too busy makes for crazy, so we usually aim for one weekend day for home. While we enjoyed end of summer cook-outs and final summer swimming excursions, I was didn't start the work week feeling recharged.

I hit the ground running at work, daycare drop-offs, dry cleaning pickups over the lunch hour instead of eating, rushing home to find a leaky refrigerator. By 7:00 PM, I was in tears. Dinner to bedtime requires A-game from both parents, so this didn't set us up for success.

Earlier that day, Dominic very unintentionally hurt my feelings. I'm not blogging the details, he feels horrible about it and I certainly don't need to tear him down. This isn't a fantasy land romance novel, sometimes one of us drops the ball and it's life.

But, I had no margin to just let it go. During our time in this dynamic I've become much more aware of and comfortable in softer emotions. I skipped the "hurt to anger" cycle and just stayed hurt. I tried to be respectful but quickly spiraled into nonsensical blubbering.

Monthly hormones added a shot of heightened drama to this cyclone of chaos. This also happened a few days after I'd received a significant punishment. Implements speak to each of us in different ways. He'd used my most dreaded implement, a large wooden paddle. I only associate this paddle with behavior correction. Wood isn't brought out for fun or preventative stress relief. Dominic has a few things he does to make a punishment very different other types of spankings. So I'd felt rightfully punished.

I'm aware of the concept of subdrop, but because I'd been punished I didn't associate the spanking with kink. I didn't realize I have even placed subdrop on the strictly kinky shelf.  My feelings surrounding the spanking were not kinky. They were ones of chastisement, shame for the behavior that had landed me over his knee, feeling bad we were spending time dealing with that rather than the other things he could have been doing. Spanking is so frequent for us, but serious punishments are very few and far between. (Thankfully!!). I wasn't aware that I might want to check myself before acting any passing feelings or moods. Not every mood that stops by is a welcome guest.

I am also pouring a lot of myself out these next few weeks as kids head back to school. Parenting kids through transitions is big league time. Part of the appeal of Dominic spanking me is my brain is not amending a grocery list, figuring out how to get a car to the shop, make it to 3 meetings, shuttle a kid to an activity and thaw meat in time for dinner. All brain function focuses on him and the fire lit on my butt. I'm not taking care of anyone else for this precious time, he's 100% focused on taking care of me. That connection can carry me through some of the times where he isn't physically here or I do have to wrangle something on my own.  I can't pour from an empty pitcher, regular refills required. I realized I had worked myself into this frenzy viewing all of our coming tasks as mine to deal with and mine alone. I didn't see him in the trenches with me. When I'm not sleep deprived late at night, I know that's just not true.

I've gleaned from lurking on your blogs that we all have different descriptions for the variety of spankings received. The term "Good Girl Spanking" does not apply here. What do you call a spanking delivered because your brain keeps spinning and spinning, the to-do list is all your eyes can see, you feel fragile and crazy all at the same time? Oh and while that's being addressed, there are female hormones to keep at bay? The spanking that has to be given because he abso-freaking-lutely is going to make sure his wife never again thinks the pull of the moon, PMS and a full calendar is an acceptable reason to doubt that he's doing the hard work of life with me?

There likely won't be a name for this particular message at my house. Dominic does his HOH thing without his wife's level of commentary.

13 comments:

  1. Giggling (not spitefully, but in total understand) and hugs at the same time. We call it reset, stress relief, etc. doesn't really matter the name. I hear you. I completely and absolutely hear you. It's going to be okay.

    You need to talk to him and communicate what you're feeling. Don't bottle it up.
    Hugs!
    --Baker

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    1. I'm laughing at it all too. It's just chaos sometimes, but it is what it is! I work myself into a tizzy with the things I hold back. I don't hold much back after a "just freaking calm down already" spanking!

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  2. Hi Madeline, sounds like you have had a very busy stressful time. Raising a young family, and working, that can't be easy. Thinking the to-do list is ours alone...yep, I can definitely relate. Love your references to the pitcher.

    There are many different types of spanking. A good girl spanking is the best kind lol, but also reset, stress relief, discipline and for some, maintenence.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Good girl anyday of the week! :) We've struggled to get the stress relief to what we both need without it being too close to punishment. I think he hit the target this time. School back in session, sick kids and I'm fairly calm about it all!

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  3. Being overwhelmed can be so stressful. Breathe deeply and be kind to yourself. Talk to your guy, maybe there is something that can be done in the meantime that will help you through this patch. You're one person doing many things, take it one at a time, these tasks probably aren't going anywhere. Wishing you well.

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    1. Thanks Laurel, we've had some good brainstorming this week. Hopefully we've got some adjustments that will help us until the next thing hits :)

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  4. I loved how you described the "hurt to anger" cycle just staying on hurt. That happens to me, too. Pulling away is not the answer, but I don't know how to climb out of that by myself most times.

    I don't miss PMS one damn bit, but menopause can make it seem like a walk in the park.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. I can't climb out of it without some assistance either. Some improvement with ttwd, but it sneaks up on me.

      I once thought a hysterectomy would kill PMS. My doctor's response was kind, but her face let me know I wasn't thinking in reality!

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  5. M,
    Your post leaves me breathless because I have been there. Remember you are really not alone carrying all these tasks. Although I know it must surely seem like it at times. Throw in PMS, and away you go. I have so been there. When I was younger, I was a runner and Jack always said I just blew in the backdoor upon returning giving orders right and left. He would simply stand back. I have so been there. Deep breaths and a power list always helped me. Now we have other ways to help! I always found a lit helped me feel like I was in control. Plus at the end of the day, you can clearly see that things did get accomplished. The ranting, ordering and shrillness never seems to work well. Hang in there. wE are rooting for you.
    Meredith

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    1. Not near as often anymore, but oh we have had that scene in our house! Dominic still stands back when I get going. He's amused at how long it takes me to realize what his glare means! Thanks for cheering us on, and reminding me I should grab a few fun pens to motivate me to make lists more often!

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  6. Madeline, I am one of those women who came to ttwd later in life, with an empty nest. I know it wouldn't have worked for me earlier and I take my hat off to you for juggling with a job, children and home whilst following this dynamic.
    I wonder if, in your reading, you have come across the idea of spanking as stress relief? I must admit I was sceptical until the day I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do for an event and asked Harry if we could give it a try. It worked like a charm for me and continues to do so. One of the good things about it is that it's not discipline, it's a handy tool that could ward off a bigger spanking. It can't prevent PMS and may not work for everyone but worth a try, I think.
    Rosie xx

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    1. Hi Rosie, I'm finally in the stress relief club! I've long thought it would be helpful, but never flat out asked him. With my tendency to bottle things in, I'd end up letting my attitude get me in trouble first! He spanked this week solely for stress relief, after much discussion to help him understand exactly what I needed and what our end result needed to be. It didn't eliminate my PMS, but its made the past few days much more manageable. I'll take it! Have a good weekend, Madeline

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  7. Hi Madeline,:) Stress relief spankings, as mentioned above are so very helpful. As Rosie mentioned above, they do ward off whatever ails you, helps you get it all out, before things get worse. They do wonders at the Rob & Katie Residence! I hope that you have continued success as you experiment with them. They aren't fun in a spanking moment, but I've found that the results are worth it. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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