Oh, is it nearly December?!

Well this absence is embarrassing. Am I even qualified to post in this universe?

From realizing I’m still up at 2 AM cleaning, starting the morning snapping at my husband, unplanned trips to the store and impulsive, scattered purchases without any discussion let alone permission, things are all out of whack in our house. I remember sometimes “I probably would be in trouble for this, but we are so tired.” It’s not outright defiance as much as survival mode. 

We’ve weathered the school year transition with our children in healthy places. I had a major surgery that I've just now felt like I've recovered from. Naturally, we've slid into not connecting. Healthy, connected relationships don’t just happen. The good stuff takes a lot of time and effort, sometimes we don’t have any margin left for it. It's understandable, as much as we know DD is worth it... it's just not advisable while recovering from surgery and taking pain meds every 4 hours!

I've settled into my grumpy bossy pants. We’ve been processing our stress internally, knowing the other is tired and annoyed with it all too. Spanking would absolutely have not been safe so it’s not a complaint that either of us have been slacking.

But I’ve recovered though and the reckoning is coming. Coming just in time for the holidays where DD is so very, very required!

I've just assumed Dominic knows how flustered and out of control I've felt, how overwhelmed I am just grocery shopping or anxiety over our children’s Thanksgiving outfits. (Absolutely absurd. Did your mothers have you in special outfits for Thanksgiving? Mine never did!) 

All the slip ups aside, our biggest challenge will be getting back into checking in- me going to him and telling him I need am off kilter. Us taking the effort to use a few minutes to reconnect even if it's only a few minutes. It's tempting if we do have an hour to catch up on shows, go to dinner, or do laundry... not focus on our roles.

During the day I'll think how I really miss an intense, round the clock dynamic and the accountability. By night time, I'm not sure what day it is or if I have the energy to brush my teeth though. I do know I've pushed Dominic to the end of his patience with my smart mouth so the reckoning is coming... at least I don't have to sit through Thanksgiving Dinner. The up and down of keeping children fed and happy at family gatherings means I won't sit more than a few minutes anyway!