I get the best sleep of my life after he’s worn me out. I think I subconsciously wonder if we are really back in our dynamic. I feel good, the spanking and post-spanking attention leaves me sated. But once I’m away from him during the day, I have bouts of anxiety at being away from him. Even when I’m squirming from soreness. That connection is good! I don’t want it to end to head back to work or do the laundry.
I think that’s where submissives sometimes find themselves earning a punishment or needing another round so soon after the hiatus ends. I’m sore, I don’t really want to feel that mean paddle again.
But we are heading into Thanksgiving and family events. I want to be present and calm. We know what buttons need pushed to keep me there. I remember at the beginning of this dynamic, when I needed more so often, I would think we’d done something wrong! Maybe I wasn’t trying or he hadn’t been stern enough or spanked severely enough? We know that is not true at all now. We are doing it right for us, and that means I got spanked last night and I’m going to need a few more spankings before Thanksgiving dinner is served. A tight grip makes me hyper aware of his presence, reminding me in the midst of our chaotic life that he’ll take care of me. The holidays can be a tempting time to fall out of DD habits, but it’s most critical. Even if Dominic can understand why I’m being short, knowing he’ll spank as soon as we get home is a good deterrent. It’s not just because it’s going to hurt (which it does!) but knowing he’s in tune with me. I can adult on my own, but it’s so much easier to do so when I feel supported by his leadership. I need to feel that leadership for it to really sink in.
I realize these words will be used against me... but it’s all true. When Dominic gives me grace, I resent it at the same time I’m relieved! It means a lot to me that he empathizes with my frustrations and state of mind, if he didn’t I wouldn’t be inclined to trust him with that nasty paddle! But, I still need the closer.
Now that I’ve all but sealed my own fate...
Those are such true words! The part about resenting it when he lets you off the hook. I am in the middle of writing a post with just that theme, but the holiday will interrupt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the Inspiration,
Ella
Hi Ella, I look forward to reading your post! Hope you had a happy thanksgiving.
Delete" It’s not just because it’s going to hurt (which it does!) but knowing he’s in tune with me" Very true. To me spanking isn't actually the deterrent. To me it is the exclamation point that his expectations are such and it is my responsibility to live up to them. Basically knowing he will follow through offers security that he really, REALLY wants/expects certain things and he's willing to prove it.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the resentment/relief aspect as well! Depending on where life finds us, I could be on either side of that slash with my emotions. I think until your dynamic is really, truly solidified ( and that varies from couple to couple, situation to situation, week to week...you get the idea) the resentment can come into play because you are fearful the letting things slide can lead to slip, slide and away!
I used to tell Barney that often it appeared he saw the spanking as 'the cherry on top" where I saw it as the foundation to starting again- when we had let ttwd move to the back burner for one reason or another.
willie
That's a great way to explain it. The spanking is definitely the reconnection and clearing air to move forward for me.
DeleteHi Madeline, :) I hear you about the increase in needs, and wanting to hear Dominic's expectations during the holidays. I used to completely stress about making sure that everything was just right for such occasions. Rob stepped in and I got many a spanking to settle down, and just get things done, as well as to not get upset when certain relatives behaved badly. It works well! Peace is a wonderful thing during these kinds of time. It's even better to know that he has your back (or bottom). I hope that things go well for you all.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I look at our dynamic as fluid. It is ever changing, and we adjust for all kinds of times. I don't think of it as static. Life is that way, and in the same way, we adjust what we are doing, to stay close during hard times, instead of moving apart. Consistency is important, and I get it at times about it feeling difficult if there is a by, or no spanking or discussion when our behavior goes south. We can feel a bit rejected. At the same time, I think that for me, looking at the big picture helps. What are we really trying to do here? What is my role in it all? Our men/women/partners can do their very best, and yet they are not perfect. Coming to terms with that, and looking at all that they too have learned, and do to meet our needs can help to put us in the right frame of mind when we feel a bit of resentment. It is a very significant thing that we have asked them to come to the table and do. While the results are incredible, and for both of us, I find that if life gets in the way, or they let something slide, it's okay. It is also okay to respectfully and lovingly bring it to the table to discuss. Just like life is full of changes, we will adapt and our dynamic will change. We will grow as we meet these changes. The key is to not let resentment lead to distance between the two of you. Communicate. There will always be these kinds of times. Those are my humble thoughts on the matter. Hope something in here helps a bit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Many hugs,
<3 Katie
I really appreciate your thoughtful comments, it's encouraging to be reminded that we all have life going on and consistency is nice but not the be all end all.
DeleteHope you enjoyed a nice Thanksgiving!
Madeline,
ReplyDeleteSo very happy you have rejoined us. I love your writing. As to getting back on track, I have so been there. I always feels loved, centered and cared for as my guy is watching and knowing what I need despite all that swirls around us. We communicate in all ways, but sometimes one of the ways hurts! You used that word trust and it is such a part of all ttwd. Again, so glad you have returned to us.
Meredith
Hi Meredith, Fortunately/unfortunately our best communication method has hurt involved! Glad to be back to the blog and DD, pain and all!
DeleteHi Madeline,
ReplyDeleteEveryone has pretty much summed up what I was thinking. Just letting you know, I'm here too!
Amy
Thanks for reading and saying hi! :)
DeleteGood post! Not sure I can add anything either, except I hear you and hang in there.
ReplyDelete--Baker
Hi Baker, we aren't doing too bad, especially for the holidays being in full swing!
Delete