A Breath of Snow & Ashes on Spanking

Reading is my favorite. I earmarked these passages the first time I read A Breath of Snow and Ashes in the Outlander series.  They're good food for thought fellow spankos!

On spanking...
"Well, what did do? And why?"

"Well, he'd only take his belt to her now and then," he said, "and only if she made him."

I took a deep breath.

"If she made him? I asked calmly, under the circumstances.

"Well, ye ken Ian," he said, shrugging. "He's no the one to be doing that sort of thing unless Jenny deviled him into it."

"I never saw anything of that sort going on," I said, giving him a hard look.

"Well, she'd scarcely do it in front of ye, would she?"

"And she would, in front of you?"

"Well, not precisely, no," he admitted, "But I was often in the house, after Culloden. Now and then, though, I'd come down for a visit, and I'd see that she was .... brewing for something." ....

"She'd devil him," he said at last, shrugging. "Pick at him over nothing, make wee sarcastic remarks. She'd ---" His face cleared a bit as he came up with a suitable description  "She'd act like a spoilt wee lassie in need of the tawse."

I found this description completely incredible.  Jenny Murray had a sharp tongue, and few inhibitions about using it on anyone, her husband included.  Ian, the soul of good nature, merely laughed at her. But I simply couldn't countenance the notion of her behaving in the manner described.

"Well, so. I'd seen that a time or two, as I say.  And Ian would give her an eye, but held his peace.  But then the once... 

Thinking the house was empty, he had been startled by the noises in the bedchamber overhead....

"Well...  shrieks," he said, shrugging. "And giggling. A bit of shoving and banging, with a stool or some such falling over.  If it weren't for the yaffling, I should have thought there ere thieves in the house. But I kent it was Jenny's voice, and Ian's, -- he broke off, his ears going pink...

"So then ... there was a bit more -- raised voices, like -- and then the crack of a belt on a bum, and the sort of skelloch ye could hear across six fields."

..... okay just read the entire series, it's wonderful and there is so much more to this chapter! But the line I was struck by "if SHE made him."

On NOT spanking a previous partner: 
"I think it was that I didna care enough for her to think of it, let alone do it.

"Not to hurt her," he said again, speaking softly. "To own her. I Dina want to posses her. You, mo nighean donn--you, I would own." 

"Own me" I said. "And what exactly do you mean by that?

"What I say." There was still a gleam of humor in his eyes, but his voice was serious. "You're min, Sassenah. And I would do anything I thought I must to make that clear."

Travel Shenanigans

Random thoughts from traveling...

My travel buddy, who we'll call Sarah, and I tried to throw a shot party on our last night of vacation. Our husbands came out to the porch to find us with four shot glasses ready for their participation. They declined to participate. Did y'all know its frowned upon to do shots in the hot tub? #dontaskmehowIknow

Dominant is who our husbands are - it's not a kink they turn off and on.  And I forget sometimes that not all couples have the warmth and respect DD brings. We were paired with another group at an Escape Room game. Our husbands both are leaders and it's assumed their wives follow. We do, happily. Watching other couples interact with each other in a very different style made it very apparent that we are lucky to have found these men. The HOH is strong - they're smart and take charge. I think it's lovely.

While playing a card game, I responded to my husband very sarcastically. Dominic raised his eye brows but before I could apologize, my friend stepped in to help HIM out. "Dominic, did she really just say that to you? You can't let her talk to you like that!" 

You'd think a fellow submissive wouldn't insist her friend should be punished. In Sarah's defense, it was nearly midnight and we'd enjoyed all sorts of fun drinks that evening. She more than the rest of us as unbeknownst to everyone, she was drowning her back pain in tequila. Dominic agreed with her and for the first time I got spanked on someone else's recommendation.

I'm guessing Sarah thought she shouldn't be the only one getting worn out since she knew she'd crossed a few lines as well. Her husband has an aversion to unladylike language.  Unfortunately for her, she had emphatically called my husband a name to make a point when sharing a strong opinion. While no offense was taken by Dominic, she very nicely apologized the next morning. I can't imagine what motivated an apology before we'd all had our morning caffeine. 😜 Perhaps it was the same strap her husband strongly recommended to Dominic? 😬


SHOPPING - We found one place husbands are really happy to shop at - kitchen stores! Did y'all know the kitchen provides far more to encourage submission than just wooden spoons? I'd never have thought to consider turkey basters, chip clips, and meat tenderizers for our fun drawer. Kitchen stores are cheaper than the "off the highway" sex shops... Be sure to clean and disinfect before returning your items to the kitchen.

Funnily enough, neither Sarah or I found a single thing we wanted to buy after visiting the kitchen store. We're not dumb.

Speaking of shopping though, we discovered Wal-mart sells vibrators. You're welcome.

NEW FURNITURE Another highlight to staying in a new place is being inspired by new furniture! Dominic highly recommends this leather bench for over-the-knee spanking. I did appreciate having a softer place to place my hands than the floor or hard chairs. So many more opportunities to keep me on my toes by switching furniture and ordering me into other positions. No wonder I got spanked so much, a new room is a dominant's playground! *because it totally couldn't have been the need for attitude adjustment.

TRAVEL TIPS -

1. Bring lube. TSA won't care. And you'll really regret making improvisations when your husband decides your submission needs a little prodding. 
2. If you feel sick, you shouldn't pretend everything is just fine until your trip is over. Your illness will get worse and I hear it's a rule violation. But you'd have to ask Sarah about that. 
3. Don't stay in the room with wooden blinds. Wooden tilt wands have the sting and concentrated impact of a cane with the thud of a paddle. 
4. Discussing implements in front of your husbands means they'll exchange links. Cane-iac has fast, discreet delivery. 

Any other lessons learned on the road?

Merry and Bright.

Not just a holiday greeting, but my general disposition after a long overdue getaway with my husband. When we have gotten time without the children, its usually a day added onto a work trip. This adventure was purely for fun with our in real life friends who also know DD is the trick to a happy marriage.  We're (mostly) normal people, so our trip looked like most kid-free trips: restaurants, shopping, adult beverage tastings, leisurely schedules that didn't revolve around nap time, etc.

Submitting felt easy. Without the responsibilities of daily life pulling me in multiple directions, following Dominic just happened. If you're wanting your HOH to take leading more seriously, don't fight them when they do lead. We just had a fun, relaxing time. My only regret is not ordering dessert on our last night. I'm still day dreaming about how amazing this cobbler would have been.

It's a relaxing, fun time when you're with people who know "how you work" and they operate like that too. We enjoy spending time with them and have plenty of things to discuss beyond similar handling of sass. That said, when your friend is also in the Spanked Wives Club, it's not awkward to make a beeline for the softer padded bench at a restaurant. It's freeing to be able to say out loud why you are so, so sore. Shopping with husbands isn't even stressful when you both know which lines shouldn't be crossed.

That doesn't mean I wasn't petrified they'd overhear some of our "discussions." Dominic and I had a great time connecting and laughing without worrying about waking our children. Lots of sex, lots of spanking. I found myself over his knee for sass he'd normally have shot me a warning look for. I was even more surprised when after this spanking, he questioned me about my general view on our dynamic and my consideration for submission in my daily life. The pretty wooden blinds in our room unfortunately came with a heavy wooden tilt wand. The wand easily slid off and on its hook during our stay. It was first used to address infractions neither one of us had thought about in the past month or so. That was a surprising spanking. I did fuss a little about it the next morning, probably because I was expecting a reminder and he instead delivered a message: You Will Remember How Important This Rule Is.

This trip was definitely the most spankings I've ever received in that time frame. It's also the calmest and most settled I can remember feeling, probably ever.  I didn't have to cook, I ate more than I've eaten in months, and I SLEPT.

So imagine Dominic's shock when I was sulking and sassy within 24 hours of arriving home. In my defense, we arrived home in the midst of Christmas season to kids school events, childcare hiccups, back to our jobs, hiccups with our house sitter and a broken dryer, etc... He knew I was stressed and also knew how well I had responded to him just a few short days ago. I was starting to come down with a sinus infection and should have answered honestly when he asked if I was too tired to discuss my grumpy attitude. I hated to not submit though. Because I thought submitting was taking the spanking I knew I needed. Submitting was answering his question honestly though. He bent me over the couch and started lecturing about my attitude and I just got grumpier. I flinched and kicked with each smack of his hand. Growing even more frustrated, Dominic upped the severity then stopped. He saw the fatigue on my face and said we needed to go to bed. I had been fighting so hard to relax, angry with myself for being so wound up, missing the easy going dynamic of our time away. When he stopped, it felt like I'd failed. Naturally, I stomped to bed in a huff. I threw my clothes off and made a big production of flopping into bed. Dominic stood over me and asked what in the hell my fit was about. My pride and butt hurt so I fumed. When Dominic started talking, he didn't throw my attitude and smart mouth back in my face, he told me how much he loved our time away and was shell shocked that I went away so quickly. Referring to our trip, he said "You were submissive."

And now I wasn't, despite my apparently crappy efforts. So I cried while he held me and then I slept.

Sleep is glorious. Sleep is always the right option when spanking can't fix the problem.

I apologized the next day and told him that yes, I did need held accountable for my crappy attitude. He met me at home for lunch and gave me one hell of a spanking. The spanking was 100% more severe than any of the brief spanking from the night before but I didn't kick or flinch. The stronger spanks from his belt had me jumping and wiggling, but submitting to him felt right. Intense spankings always bring intense sex. The sex following is an extension of his dominance. Without going into great detail, submissive positions and acts that push me into a submissive headspace send just as powerful as a message as the spanking. The erotic connection after drives home that I'm his. The spanking may have been triggered on by an infraction on my part, but he's spanking me because I chose this. I chose him. And because I choose this life with him, I'm his.

When rules get broken here, it's because I'm disconnected from him. The stress of life gets in the way and I choose to handle things on my own or let anxiety take root in my brain. I choose to not go to him and share the soft emotions when they first hit. Disappointment or hurt by family members, needing help with time management or prioritizing commitments. When I let those things fester in my head, the end result is always a grumpy disposition. I know punishment + sex is handled many different ways in our diverse dynamics. In our relationship, they go hand in hand. I have an intense personality and Dominic coaxes the best of me to the surface when he gives me a physical connection to knowing he's got my back, is strong enough to handle whatever comes our way, and he's connected to me on a deep, humbling level in spite of my sometimes interesting attitude.

The Freshly Spanked buzz is my favorite kind of high.