Piercing sting vs. Thuddy whomp

Our guys are not mind readers. As I've worked through this in my head, I thought I should write through it so Dominic and I both would understand what I'm thinking. I hope it helps others think about why they're disappointed after a spanking or it didn't "feel" like punishment or that you need "more." Those are obscure thoughts that just frustrate the dom holding the paddle.

Dominic has never presented a particular implement as being for a specific type of spanking. In my head though, I've started to make my own connections. They're not always what gets used for those spankings either. The impact on my skin and the sensations the implement causes combined with the tempo and severity Dominic tends to use most often have created these categories in my head.

I realized I had subconsciously done that during a spanking gone wrong. We hadn't been able to connect in awhile with sickness and schedule. It was our usual night for maintenance, I was wound up and so freaking stressed. BUT I also had earned some serious attitude adjustment/punishment/absolutely needed my ass worn out. I struggle to handle the paddle we have. It's not a maintenance thing - it's definitely an "in trouble" implement. I've been stewing on why I was so angry while he paddled me. (FYI - the spanking ended up needing rescheduled after we had a real discussion with words.) I needed stress relief BADLY. I'd been so unmoored, I needed to just talk to my husband, be held, have "vanilla" sex. I didn't want to be so wound up. I tried really hard to take those swats. But I was clawing at the sheets and tensing up with each one. Dominic stopped. He spanks to have a calm, sated wife. He doesn't spank for the sake of spanking.

In my head, those sharp, stringing, bee sting swats that light up a big area of my ass are punishment. Yes, I needed punished. I just wasn't in head space to get there. I didn't know why, I was angry I wasn't in that head space and until I sat down to type, I couldn't put words to my mood.

What kind of spanking re-connects me, settles the crazy ping-pong maze in my brain? A show of force. (this is all consensual so no pearl clutching.) My primal brain is going strong. I need to physically feel things that are stronger than the storms of "adulting." (I've loathed that word, but it fits.)  If I were filling out an order form for "Pull Me Out of the Storm" spanking, I'd want thrown down on the bed and soundly spanked with his belt. A spanking that starts before my pants are down fast forwards my head space into submission land. This was a weird thing to realize. Yes, bare bottom hurts infinitely worse. But a spanking that comes out of nowhere and he doesn't even mess with any formalities makes me feel how desperately he wants us in a better place.  Those are the spankings I can feel for a few days, where his belt has gotten us past all my walls and then he drives it home with the wretched paddle or something heavy.

My takeaway was, I cannot handle a lot of piercing sting over and over again if we haven't talked through whatever has gotten me so freaking keyed up to begin with. It's a huge act of submission for me to do that - and I've just now realized this. I really, really struggle to submit when we've been ships passing in the night. Now that I've been chewing on this, hopefully I can remember to COMMUNICATE and tell him I really, really need my husband first.

If we were able to deal with infractions on the spot, I think I might be able to handle a sharp stingy spanking right away. We have to wait until everyone is very, very asleep or out of the house though. That's made the cane a stress relief implement more than a severe punishment implement (in my thoughts.) Dominic could swing it 10x harder for punishment, but since it's a quiet implement he uses it when little ears are up and about. I haven't had a huge offense in a long time where he would mix the cane up with other implements. So when the cane comes out, I don't necessarily think the spanking is going to be super severe.

My darling children destroyed my wooden hairbrush in some creative game in the backyard. It was covered in mud. I replaced it with a round brush because I'd been doing my hair differently. However... I'm thinking I need to replace the wooden one. (Cringing as I type this.) The hairbrush sucks, it's loud, heavy, and a deterrent. It came out when Dominic knew I needed more impact. The brush stings like a paddle, but it's so compact that it goes a lot deeper. If he really swung with it for an extended length of time, I'm sure I would be black and blue. The heavier, thuddier implements go deep and those are the ones I feel for awhile. Yes, I hate to admit it and know my ass will regret it, but I need to feel it after the spanking is over to keep me in that "endorphin rush submissive zone."

Since Dominic reads my blog, I'm really interested to hear his thoughts on what he associates these implements with. Maybe after all these years I can talk him into posting from his perspective -- but don't hold your breath. :)

What I'm reading lately...

While we have full bookshelves in our house, our current season of life means e-readers and audio book apps are the most functional. This also means I don't have to worry about my kids picking up a steamy book or be embarrassed by a kinky book cover while reading in a waiting room. When I need to just check out of life, e-books are my thing.

Not all books are equal and I've been so annoyed to download books with plenty of good reviews that are maybe six chapters long! Since I've found some series that I really like, I thought I'd share them here. I appreciate good writing and a good domestic discipline story. It's hard to sift through what genre of erotic romance a book can be sometimes.

Here's what's caught my eye lately...

Alyssa Bailey - Her website header is "romance for the naughty in all of us."
I'm currently getting to know the O'Connor cowboys and their spitfire women. They're all domestic discipline relationships, with some couples having a more D/s flavor. No one way to do this dynamic and the characters cover a wide berth of preferences. I like that her submissive women are far from submissive, but choose to submit after really battling why this would benefit them personally and their relationships.

Jane Henry writes some of the absolute best spicy DD. She's written a lot of very different series with very different kink dynamics. Boston Doms are definitely in the DD realm. The individual books are all on Kindle Unlimited. Her characters live more relatable lives than the mafia princess and billionaire books. This one is my absolute favorite because I could relate all too well of the stress and exhaustion of living with a high needs/neurodiverse child.

I bought Deliverance and I would have paid double for it - loved it!

If you want some serious, tried and true domestic discipline, Corbin's Bend is always a safe bet. Returning to Us is one I liked lately.

This is not a sponsored post - I've read most of these books on Kindle Unlimited or bought them. No free books were given in exchange for my quick little blog review.

How's DD going?

We either have time or we don't. We're either too exhausted or we aren't. But it's never super far away. I was at home with a sick kid who was throwing up on me. I managed to not impulsively shop online and text Dominic when I saw a need for things. But when we go awhile without having time and throw in schedule dysfunction, it's really hard to get back into our roles. We functioned through illness and the world didn't end. Because of course I can do all the things and my husband carries his load as well. But when the dynamic feels like the its gathering dust on the back burner?

It happens sometimes. We usually have some kind of re-connection/clearing the slate/reset/whatever you want to call it. There are discussions but it comes back together. This time a perfect storm of extreme, hopefully once in a lifetime scary situation, some really good news, illnesses, and snow days had destroyed all mature functioning in my brain. I had zero ability to regulate my emotions. Punishment was absolutely earned and Dominic was ready to enforce our rules.

And I could not submit. I just couldn't do it. I kept arguing even as I bent over our bed. My pajama pants were down, I was in a "submissive position." I was anything but that. I just got angrier and angrier. So I stood up and announced I was not doing this and I was going to bed.

An incredibly frustrating night for Dominic. He tried to enforce rules and handle issues very quickly after they occurred. I could have communicated how badly I needed a good nights sleep. But I didn't. I stayed defiant and kept running my mouth. Usually I can feel my uneasiness build when life is moving too fast and we aren't connecting. This one hit me out of the blue because the fast pace had gotten sort of normal. We were functioning okay day to day and keeping up with the chaos. I was telling him what I needed him to help with, not asking, not discussing the day to day and deferring to his ideas. Not accepting his offers to help with pickups or errands. If it wasn't going to kill me to do something, I did it. I don't know if I was harboring some subconscious expectations that he would magically fix our schedule or just start telling me no? Maybe we'd been so far out of our roles I was spiraling without intentionally trying to get his attention? It's a good reminder that this dynamic can't function on auto pilot. Even when we get into a good grove, we can easily fall out of it. Physical attention is how I get back into my role.   Dominic knows this.

But my attitude was so ridiculous that I stood in the way of that. I'd been in a Type A mode and couldn't comprehend something not being on my terms. I obviously needed sleep along with a serious spanking and sex.

I forget submission takes some humility. Submission is so much more than my husband calling the shots in our sex life or my asking before swiping the debit card or making plans. Those are things I gravitate towards and mostly aren't a struggle. (Mostly. Authorized spending and asking before making plans have needed a lot of reminders.) I'm going to keep chewing on this word humility even though I really like being right.

And this is the post my husband will probably print and frame as a reminder of why we do this thing.