Piercing sting vs. Thuddy whomp

Our guys are not mind readers. As I've worked through this in my head, I thought I should write through it so Dominic and I both would understand what I'm thinking. I hope it helps others think about why they're disappointed after a spanking or it didn't "feel" like punishment or that you need "more." Those are obscure thoughts that just frustrate the dom holding the paddle.

Dominic has never presented a particular implement as being for a specific type of spanking. In my head though, I've started to make my own connections. They're not always what gets used for those spankings either. The impact on my skin and the sensations the implement causes combined with the tempo and severity Dominic tends to use most often have created these categories in my head.

I realized I had subconsciously done that during a spanking gone wrong. We hadn't been able to connect in awhile with sickness and schedule. It was our usual night for maintenance, I was wound up and so freaking stressed. BUT I also had earned some serious attitude adjustment/punishment/absolutely needed my ass worn out. I struggle to handle the paddle we have. It's not a maintenance thing - it's definitely an "in trouble" implement. I've been stewing on why I was so angry while he paddled me. (FYI - the spanking ended up needing rescheduled after we had a real discussion with words.) I needed stress relief BADLY. I'd been so unmoored, I needed to just talk to my husband, be held, have "vanilla" sex. I didn't want to be so wound up. I tried really hard to take those swats. But I was clawing at the sheets and tensing up with each one. Dominic stopped. He spanks to have a calm, sated wife. He doesn't spank for the sake of spanking.

In my head, those sharp, stringing, bee sting swats that light up a big area of my ass are punishment. Yes, I needed punished. I just wasn't in head space to get there. I didn't know why, I was angry I wasn't in that head space and until I sat down to type, I couldn't put words to my mood.

What kind of spanking re-connects me, settles the crazy ping-pong maze in my brain? A show of force. (this is all consensual so no pearl clutching.) My primal brain is going strong. I need to physically feel things that are stronger than the storms of "adulting." (I've loathed that word, but it fits.)  If I were filling out an order form for "Pull Me Out of the Storm" spanking, I'd want thrown down on the bed and soundly spanked with his belt. A spanking that starts before my pants are down fast forwards my head space into submission land. This was a weird thing to realize. Yes, bare bottom hurts infinitely worse. But a spanking that comes out of nowhere and he doesn't even mess with any formalities makes me feel how desperately he wants us in a better place.  Those are the spankings I can feel for a few days, where his belt has gotten us past all my walls and then he drives it home with the wretched paddle or something heavy.

My takeaway was, I cannot handle a lot of piercing sting over and over again if we haven't talked through whatever has gotten me so freaking keyed up to begin with. It's a huge act of submission for me to do that - and I've just now realized this. I really, really struggle to submit when we've been ships passing in the night. Now that I've been chewing on this, hopefully I can remember to COMMUNICATE and tell him I really, really need my husband first.

If we were able to deal with infractions on the spot, I think I might be able to handle a sharp stingy spanking right away. We have to wait until everyone is very, very asleep or out of the house though. That's made the cane a stress relief implement more than a severe punishment implement (in my thoughts.) Dominic could swing it 10x harder for punishment, but since it's a quiet implement he uses it when little ears are up and about. I haven't had a huge offense in a long time where he would mix the cane up with other implements. So when the cane comes out, I don't necessarily think the spanking is going to be super severe.

My darling children destroyed my wooden hairbrush in some creative game in the backyard. It was covered in mud. I replaced it with a round brush because I'd been doing my hair differently. However... I'm thinking I need to replace the wooden one. (Cringing as I type this.) The hairbrush sucks, it's loud, heavy, and a deterrent. It came out when Dominic knew I needed more impact. The brush stings like a paddle, but it's so compact that it goes a lot deeper. If he really swung with it for an extended length of time, I'm sure I would be black and blue. The heavier, thuddier implements go deep and those are the ones I feel for awhile. Yes, I hate to admit it and know my ass will regret it, but I need to feel it after the spanking is over to keep me in that "endorphin rush submissive zone."

Since Dominic reads my blog, I'm really interested to hear his thoughts on what he associates these implements with. Maybe after all these years I can talk him into posting from his perspective -- but don't hold your breath. :)