Sunday, July 8, 2018

Default State.

The stars have aligned and I have found myself with nothing to do after putting the children to bed. Bedtime wasn't a crisis, the laundry and kitchen are under control... it's the strangest situation to be in!

We're taking a deep breath after a full week with extended family.  It's suffocatingly hot and the kids kept our days very busy. Even if we weren't running around, just keeping up with small children is a busy enough day! In prior years, family events could be very stressful and I'd find myself in trouble regularly.  Either my smart mouth got the best of me or I committed to plans without discussing with Dominic. This week had a few check-in spankings but not any punishments. An absolute record!

It's extremely difficult to do family or group activities with couples in completely different dynamics. The roles we take leave the privacy of our home with us. At this juncture, I've learned choosing to submit is easier. Not easier because I won't get spanked. Easier because we function better. Instead of demanding he accompany the kids out on the water, I asked him to please do it and acknowledged I'd owe him. I didn't disappear into Target and surprise him with the expense. We talked before the week started about anticipated expenses and activities.  It's so much easier to do that rather than try to discuss finances quietly in a crowded house while the grill is hot and kids are running in sprinklers! (Trust me, I know this exact situation!)

This spring, I had made plans for our oldest that I really thought would work. When Dominic and I went over the plans for this week he vetoed a pretty big thing I had penciled in. It was not a lengthy conversation. He said "That's not happening. That's going to be a disaster." And we moved onto the next topic.

As the schedule played out, it was patently obvious he was right. Our child didn't even notice the missing activity. Our schedule was too full!

Lesson re-learned: Default to submission. Especially on the most un-sexy of things like how many activities a child can do in one summer and how much money you've spent on a birthday party. Those things can cause such unnecessary stress in an already busy, tiring season of life. This was a brief conversation then he jumped into the pool with our kids. Please note, he doesn't enjoy swimming but they do and they adore him.  Why would I have ruined that afternoon needing to be right?

Even if you don't do this thing and accidentally stumbled onto my blog, I hope you can takeaway that you really need to give your partner some credit. I know my husband isn't an idiot and he certainly doesn't think I'm dumb either. (If you think they're dumb, then for the love of God, what are you doing with this person?!)

We had enough on our plate keeping family from continually giving our children sugar, multiple nights of loud fireworks ruining sleep, navigating activities in the heat. I felt like we were both tuned into each other and our kids this past week. It felt really good to end the week knowing that we were solid as opposed to how this has gone during other family weeks.

Lest you think I'm on some kind of high horse, I absolutely had help being in this state of defaulting to submission. While I didn't get in trouble for any blatant violations, my tone and resting bitch face let him know when I needed to be ass up. Dominic grabbed time for check-ins and stress relief to keep us on this even keel. The quiet implements are awful but they have the desired effect. Thanks, Cane-iac! 


  1. Hi Madeline,

    This made me smile :) Sounds like you had a full on but enjoyable week with family. Glad everything went smoothly and that you and Dominic stayed in tune with each other and on the same page. Good on you, that is definitely not easy with others around.


    1. A very full week! Great to get that time with family but we are appreciating getting back into a quieter routine.

  2. It sounds like a splendid week - i don't think it sounded like you were on some kind of high horse either... default to submission - so well put! I honestly tell myself that all the time, but when tensions run high and PMS is in full swing, um, not so easy.

    You and Dominic were brilliant and I can hear the "synergy" just through your account of the week! Made me smile too!

    1. Thank you for your kind comments. The synergy isn't always this great, but life is good when it is!

  3. This was a good reminder about how stressful times can be navigated with a dose of submission. Good for Dominic on taking advantage of those "quiet" implements. You both ought to get a prize for that week.

    Hugs From Ella

    1. Being in sync with him was a great prize, but I'd take a relaxing weekend away too! :)

  4. This was a great post. I love how well it all works at keeping things smooth when we’re both more aware, and on our game. Good for you. Thank you for the term ‘default to submission’, that will be running through my head on a regular basis now. May the smoothness continue at your place.